The Church of Walmart

Ok Ok...before you get your panties in a wad, no there isn't really a church of walmart...but there should be. I have found in the south there are 4 main things that are important to a true southerner: Football (especially SEC football or high school ball), God, Country and Walmart. Now this is not in any sort of order of importance, except for the first in the list of course. I was not aware, however, of how seriously southerners take Walmart until day 2 of living here. I have been told once by a guy friend of mine "All they's gotta do is put a titty club in the place, and I would be in heaven and never wanna leave!" That's how serious southerners take Walmart.

Back to the story at hand. Day 2 of my time in the new office was interesting to say the least. To start the day off, we had a staff meeting with the 12 other people who were doing the same job...well really maybe I should say that were in the same position as I was because really, they didn't know how to do the job. Anyway....as they went around the table introducing themselves, and talking about the jobs they did for the company, I sat there in pure shock. These were mostly women who had been with the company for a while. Of the 12 others, 10 had started BEFORE I WAS BORN! One started just 4 months after I was born, and then there was another punk kid as they probably though (he was about a year or two older than me). But some of the jobs they did, I thought were just made up for TV. But no...these women were actually operators that when a call came in for Klondike-251 or some variation would have to move some wires, ring the number and then ask for the right house as back then there were multiple party lines...meaning that one number, would ring sometimes up to 10 houses. (Which also meant that if you were really a voyeur, you could pick up and listen to other people's conversations.)

So when it came to me, I introduced myself and told them "I have been ALIVE for 26 years." I was trying to be funny, but I am sure that it was taken (or as they say in the south TOOKEN) the wrong way. But then I was asked by one of the ladies who had been to Oregon, why is it that in Oregon you can't pump your own gas. As anyone who has lived in or driven through the state knows, there are no self-service stations. As a matter of fact it is against the law. She was rather negative about it...so of course being the smart ass comedian that I am...I had to reply...so I said "Well, gas stations to us in Oregon are much like Walmart in the south...we want to give our GED attainers and high school dropouts a chance to work too."

Needless to say..this was the start of a great relationship with 11 old women who now saw me for the smart ass that I am.